People are stupid. The end.

 

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the ticket for a $42 dollar pizza. My first table at work tonight was a man and a woman who brought in their two babies in separate carriers and sat them up on the table next to the parmesan and red pepper shakers - how cute. I have been quite sick for the past couple of weeks and consequentially my nose is leaking every time I tilt my head down and my ears are completely stopped up so I can't tell the volume of my voice and I can't properly hear people. As if that isn't enough trouble, this particular couple does not seem to want to speak above a whisper, and they take at least 20 seconds of awkward silence between each item they order. So, onto the ridiculously expensive pizza. The man keeps the menu for literally the entire time, studying it thoroughly before finally ordering it and keeping it during the meal so he could later place a to go order. One would think that after twenty five minutes of studying that he would have a pretty good idea of prices, right? That's what I thought. I started to take his order and just continued to listen and write down the monstrous list of ingredients he slowly listed off as he browsed the menu. It took at least three minutes to write this down due to the fact that he would list off a few things, then see another ingredient listed and add that, then pause and ask if he had added chicken yet, then look at the list again, etc. About 9 ingredients in I said, "that sounds like a pretty expensive pizza." But no matter! He just kept on ordering. Steak, chicken, portobello, pretty much everything. When I finally rang it in the kitchen asked if I was joking and if he had any idea how much money that would be. "The prices are on the menu," I replied. So what happens when I deliver the ticket? I get a dirty look from his wife as if I created the prices and forced her husband to be a greedy, unobservant fatass, and NO TIP on a $71 check. The moral of this rant is that people are stupid and don't pay attention, then blame others for their own faults. Unfortunately, this attitude affects how much money I make. I really hope those people dropped that entire $42 pizza on the ground and that it got devoured by angry raccoons before they could save any of it. Jerks. The end.